Raging over Portal 2 Adoption “Controversy”

“Alright fatty. Adopted fatty.  Fatty, fatty no parents.”

When the lovably stupid Wheatly spoke those words in Portal 2, countless adopted children’s hearts burst right on the spot.  That’s what these grade-A reporters are acting like, anyway.  That’s right, someone was offended by Wheatley. WHEATLEY. An AI specifically designed to be an idiot so that he could be implanted into a different, very dangerous AI to interfere with its logic and disable it.  Wheatley, whose most creative insult is “fatty, fatty no parents.”

There’s no foul language, no gratuitous violence, and no sexual content here.  Just a story’s villain being mean.  The bad guy said something that wasn’t nice?  You’re not supposed to like him.  That’s kind of the point!  Scar didn’t give Mufasa and Simba flowers and chocolate, he murdered the father!  Because he’s the bad guy!  We’ve truly hit a low point when a character in a story can’t even say school-yard taunts without it hitting the news.  Never mind the fact that the very next line from GLaDOS is “and what, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?”

She has clearly been traumatized by all of this.

They act like the father and daughter were both shocked, but if you pay any attention to the video you can tell that she’s not phased at all by any of this.  She’s just completely immersed in that game and loving it.  I assume she’s at least ten years old, because if she’s younger than that having her play a game rated E10+ just adds an extra level of stupid to all of this.  If she’s ten years old she must have been in school for about four years by now.  Do you really think she can’t take “fatty, fatty no parents”?  Do you have any idea what kids at school say?  Even the daughter knows that it’s no big deal because Wheatley sounds just like a little kid when he’s trying to insult someone.  Your tiny daughter should not have bigger back bone than you.

On a related issue, if you’re so hurt over an adoption comment maybe you shouldn’t say “she’s Chinese, she obviously doesn’t look like us” right in front of your daughter?

Portal 2 is an educational game because you have to find your way out of things?  All puzzle games are educational?  I guess that means the entire genre isn’t allowed to progress beyond colored gems falling down a screen then because they might offend some overly sensitive parent.

"I'm trying really hard to cry right now because I wanna be on the news!"

Sony distributes the game?  That’s funny, I could have sworn that I played it on my Xbox.  Maybe it’s from Valve?  You know, that company whose name is clearly printed on both sides of the box?  We wouldn’t expect you to do any research before you report on something, though.  That would be silly.  It’s not like it’s your job or anything.

This all just brings back memories of Fox News calling Mass Effect a porn game.  That was another case where news people dedicated air time to a story where they had almost no information, did absolutely no research, and went out of their way to take what little information they had out of context in order to make the story fit.  I wonder what it feels like when you realize that you’ve said something so stupid that millions of people will think you’re an idiot from that point on.

Hey news channels, how about you stop covering video game news?



One Response to “Raging over Portal 2 Adoption “Controversy””

  1. Seriously? I Mean Seriously? Was this Man WATCHING The begining of the Game?! GLaDOS Was Making MUCH Worst comments and jokes about you being adopted and he gets his panties in a knot over Wheatley saying something a 5 year old could beat in a second? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY!!

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