Ranting While Playing: Homefront

“Press A to Skip” is plastered across the center of the screen during the intro cinematic.  If you’re so self-aware of how boring the video is why didn’t you make a better one?  It’s pretty much scattered, mindless drivel.  Something bad is happening! Now it’s this year! Something else went wrong! It’s even later! Stylized text and shit hitting the fan! We’reinthefuturemotherfucker!

Holy balls this game is ugly.  It seems to intentionally open to a completely unappealing and undetailed part of the level, too, as if some disgruntled employee wanted to sabotage everyone’s first impressions.

Mini-tutorial, shoot two guys, run down alley, allies line up at door and tell me to turn around and pick up a machine gun.  As I pick it up I’m suddenly getting shot in the back.  I whip around, confused, to see no enemies behind me.  I look up and realize too late that there’s a helicopter attacking me and I die.  Level design, what’s that?  Not only is your third enemy in this game a fucking helicopter, but it’s one that spawns behind you during a scripted event where you’re told to turn around?  Congrats on managing to ruin the very first combat experience in the entire game by having no idea how to design one.  First Person Shooters are all about immersive visual experiences.  A designer has to constantly think about what direction the player will be facing at a given time so that they can design the level around that, but the game managed to foul that up within minutes.  This isn’t some sort of stealth trooper, it’s a helicopter!  It would be like having a tank magically spawn behind you in a level, it’s just not what you do!

Nice Full Throttle product placement.  Glad to see that disgusting drink has managed to survive decades into the future.

The only way that this game can look good - zoomed out.

I’m fighting Koreans who wear blue while being helped by resistance fighters who wear brown.  We come across a group of brown people…guess what side they’re on? That’s right, they’re Korean!  Fuck “gritty” brown “realistic” shooters and their pointlessly confusing visuals.  This game takes place in the future! Make it up!

Beautiful loading screen.  If only that much work had been put into any other part of the game.  Stiff controls, hard to read subtitles.  LONG loading screens.  I’m still loading! What the hell? I have this game installed!  Why would it ever take this long to simply reload where I already am?  After watching two minutes of Sequelitis I gave up and went to the dashboard.  Nice programming, guys! I already hit a game-breaking bug in the first level!

I hope you liked that contextless Hilary Clinton clip in the intro because you’re going to see it every time you resume the game.

The girl walked straight through me during a scripted event, causing my character to glitch out and teleport about ten feet back.

Some freedom fighter leader dude is angry at us for running toward a populated area.  This place looks completely unaffected by the Korean invasion. Why? Explain, game!  It would make sense if the beginning place was a military zone, but those were clearly regular people who were being rounded up and shot.  There was even that overdone moment where a kid has his parents shot in front of him, so don’t you dare pretend that place wasn’t a residential zone.  So why is this place safe?  Are the Koreans somehow unaware of these people who are just going about their daily lives in plain sight?  Why do these people think they’re safe?  Are they all just massive idiots?  They must be, because the Koreans come streaming in moments later, mowing them all down in the street.  What just happened? These people aren’t behaving in any way that makes sense!

Never before has a game been so likely to spark World War III.

If there’s gunfire and you’re holding a baby why the hell would you run out into the middle of the room to hide behind a chest-high wall when you were already in a completely different part of the house from the danger? This game makes no sense in totally new ways every 30 seconds.

Enemies just stream out at you across the same linear paths an arbitrary number of times until they run out.  You move forward, then repeat that process over and over again.  Many areas only feature busted cars as cover, but they’re not really cover.  They aren’t tall enough to cover you when you’re crouching, and the doors, windows, hood bends, etc. all leave you wide open as enemies stream out on all sides.  Each battle pretty much boils down to you finding the one piece of cover that’s valid and then shooting enemies on three paths over and over again until it’s time to progress the already convoluted and nonsensical story in a world filled with unrealistic characters and stereotypes that are the result of lazy writing which comes hand in hand with lazy game design which comes hand in hand with fuck this game I don’t have time for badly made brown shooter #34256 when I have Minecraft and Clash of Heroes to play.  I’m not even going to beat the first level.  The End.  Done.

I just want to send a massive fuck you to all the gamers who buy this shit every month and fuel this torrent of mediocre homogenous puke that’s filling the market.


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