Ranting While Playing: Mafia II

Combat tutorial 101: Throw a probably-irrelevant war scene into the beginning of the game that lasts about five minutes.

These are probably the smallest subtitles I’ve ever seen.

Wait, what? The game is giving me a shooting tutorial in the second chapter? What was the point of the first one?

Did my character just accept a job where I have to check on people and beat them up for $50? I can already scrap cars for $400! Damn you, story.

Nice fade out/in there…worried that your audience would get bored hearing about a war story where someone lost an eye?

I was just playing one of those missions where you’re supposed to follow someone without getting too close. Some random car was sitting in the middle of the road and my target plowed right into it. He the continued to drive into it, not moving at all. After about 30 seconds of this the game faded to grey and said “Luca did not reach his destination”…that’s right, the horrible AI actually directly sabotaged my mission.

Oh goodie, you have to start the entire mission from the very beginning. Checkpoints? What are those?

If you’re going to have me tape someone’s limbs together, how about you actually animate the tape? He’s just sitting there with his hands and feet held together by some invisible force.

We snuck into the building, planted a bomb, blew it up, and then…went back to take a look? WHAT?! Did we want to get caught?

Oh no, that one character that had a whole minute of screen time died. So tragic. Not like he was really annoying or anything. I’ve got to admit though, the emotional response from the main character’s friend was pretty well done.

…and he just gets drunk and shoots someone. Nice. Sympathy gone.

I just stuck my neck out on some drug deal where I was supposed to make $20k. The next chapter starts and I have $500? What the hell game?

Mission 14 feels borderline impossible. You die in 1-2 hits and enemies often have perfect accuracy despite being hundreds of feet away. If you finally get to the warehouse you get bombarded from molotov cocktails that damage you while you’re behind cover, and if you try to change cover to get away from them you get insta-killed by the remaining enemies. If you die you have to start the entire mission from the beginning.

Blah blah blah you killed my father blah blah blah generic mafia back-stab plot device blah blah blah Roman can’t bother Niko any more because he got killed off screen blah blah blah way too many collectibles blah blah blah why the fuck is that one on the roof I’m pretty sure that defeats the purpose of a wanted poster blah blah blah 1000 gamerscore.


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