Ranting While Playing: God of War

The graphics are horrible, and somehow most of the cutscenes are worse. Just like this the Resident Evil 4 port for PC (avoid at all costs) the cut scenes are incredibly low-rez. The normal graphics are bad, but atleast they’re smooth and unpixelated…until a cinematic pops up and suddenly the game smacks you in the face with a “That’s right, I was on the PS2!” In general it’s just a lazy port.

You often have to mash the R2 button to interact with the environment, which is incredibly awkward to do and actually can become painful when you have to do it a lot. The R2button on the Dualshock 3 controller is overly large and just badly designed in general. There’s a reason most PS3 FPS titles use R1 to shoot. This just makes me wonder whether the developers even bothered to play through this port before they released it.

Funny how Hades can talk without using his lips.

You have zero control over the camera and the game loves to make you run straight toward it while you pray there isn’t a cliff.

Don’t you just love getting killed by off-screen archers? Me too!

The game is artificially lengthened by making you run through the same rooms over and over again. There’s also often little to no indication of where you’re supposed to be going so unless you’re using a guide expect to be spending a lot of time running around at random wondering what the hell you’re supposed to be doing. Level design in general is just bizarre and random feeling.

There’s not really any indication of how much your kick has been charged when you’re kicking crates around, which leads to one particularly frustrating room where you have an invisible time limit to move a crate through a series of hallways before spikes shoot up out of the ground and make you question why you’re still playing this game.

If I’m so bad ass why can’t I stand under the oracle and catch her when she falls instead of going through an elaborate and confusing platforming puzzle that just results in me catching her and…get this…falling to the ground anyway. It’s like those missions in CoD games where you fight your ass off just to get killed moments later in a cutscene. They just piss me the fuck off.

Rapidly snapping camera when you change rooms leads to plenty of you pulling 180’s and running back and forth between rooms on accident.

In a flashback the narrator says that Kratos is plagued by the memories of the horrible things he did while serving Aeries. Really? In my pursuit of a way to kill him I’ve done all sorts of things, including burning an innocent man alive to open a door and killing random villagers to regenerate health. Obviously Kratos isn’t all that bothered by being a complete and total psychopathic asshole.

Repetitive level design in hell add “where the fuck am I?” on top of the usual “where the fuck do I go?” On the plus side I ended up getting pretty much every red chest because of how lost I was.


That whole gravedigger part was pretty clever.


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